To Masaharu-kun, My Newly-Married Student-Turned-Friend: May Your Life be Full of Challenges and Opportiunities
To Masaharu-kun,
When I think of our journey together, I can’t help but think about how special it is.
We started out as a teacher and a student. You’d just arrived in the U.S. with your family and needed help learning English; I myself was a student at a local university looking to earn a little cash as a tutor.
That was one of my earliest foray into teaching and I’m not sure I knew what I was doing, but I had the confidence that I could at least offer relatability: I came to the U.S. when I was only slightly younger than you, without knowing a word of English and either confused or scared (or both) about what was unfolding. If nothing else, I hope I provided comfort while conveying that I’ve been where you were and I ended up ok…
In the years since then, I’ve learned that the greatest satisfaction as a teacher comes, not from the knowledge that I’ve imparted, but rather from the difference I’ve made. Often such difference is subtle, like students remaining interested in a topic I covered in class, but occasionally it’s more profound, like inspiring a pursuit of a certain way of life. If I was able to influence you in such a way even a little, you’ve honored me with a great gift.
It’s enough to simply have made a difference, but it’s an even greater gift to be made aware of the fact. And because of that, it’s been a great joy to have been able to continue our relationship, now (I hope) as friends.
As I watched you get married to Seika-san, I felt a tremendous amount of pride. Your parents are no doubt even prouder, but it’s hard to describe the feeling I felt as I remembered the kid I met years ago become a distinguished and dignified groom.
In light of the man you’ve become, it seems presumptuous for me to provide you with any words of wisdom. But as a person who’s lived the kind of life you’re embarking on for slightly longer than you, permit me to convey some words that may (hopefully once again) provide you with some comfort.
I’ve discovered that living an international/global life has its share of challenges. Those who haven’t experienced it will often tell you how they envy the glamor, but I know first hand that this type of life comes with complications.
Speaking strictly for myself, here are some self-reflections that I’ve had to battle through dating back to high school, even before you and I met:
“I wish I could master a single language instead of being half-assed in two.”
“I think I’m a better cultural fit in Japan, even though people around me think I’m so obviously American.”
“I can never work for a purely Japanese company, but I don’t want to work in an entirely American environment.”
“Who am I, where do I belong, and what should I do?”
If you’ve never had to go through a similar journey of introspection or, better yet, have completed it, you’re way ahead of me. But if you are or ever will go through something similar, my experience tells me that it’s just part of the journey you’re on.
The great solace you can take is that the life of international possibilities is highly fulfilling. I’ve often thought about what my life would have been like had it been completely encapsulated in either Japan or the U.S. It probably would have been much simpler–and less psychologically conflicting–but it also wouldn’t have been nearly as interesting. Because of where I ended up, I get to live a life that crosses boundaries, bridges different cultures, spans multiple languages, and intersects with diverse set of people.
I hope you’ll find your life journey to be as interesting and fulfilling as mine has been. You’ll undoubtedly face challenges particular to the life you’re venturing into, but you’re well positioned to embrace them and the special opportunities they’ll bring with Seika-san at your side.
Congratulations on your matrimony, and thanks for not only making me a part of the celebration but also a part of your life.
Proudly yours,
Joe
